Finals week has officially
started! This is a good thing and a not-so-good thing at the same time.
Good because that means that after Thursday, I won't have class again until
next semester! whooo hoo! Psudo-Vacation Time! Then, on the other hand,
not-so-good because this will be a very stressful week. As the song says,
"I will survive!"
I am really looking forward
to New Year's. Don't you just love the whole idea of a new year, a clean
slate, a rebirth so to speak? I've been working on my possible resolutions
for the new year. I already have one and I am pretty sure that I will be
able to keep it. Maybe I should just have one so that I can fully focus
on just that one and not try to take on a whole list of them.
I can't believe that I
am actually getting into the Christmas spirit this year. Usually I am the
one going around bitching and complaining about how Christmas is just an
economy-driven holiday. But this year, I am actually enjoying going out
and shopping for fmaily and friends. It's very weird for me this year to
not have a boyfriend to shop for. Granted, it will end up being a hell
of a lot cheaper for me, but I do have to admit that I miss the whole part
about spoiling someone. Yes, I am a hopeless romantic (but that is just
between you and me, ok?). I hate being a hopeless romantic. I think that
it has to do with the fact that I am a little bit too independant. Anyways,
enough about that...
So, there is this new
guy in my life right now. No, we aren't dating... just talking. It's so
wierd for me to like someone again. It's been quite a while since I had
a male in my life that I was interested in romantically. I'm kinda freaking
out but I am trying to keep myself in check at the same time. It's kinda
like I am facing my fears. I am terrified of liking someone and I am also
terrified of letting someone like me. Fucked up isn't it?!?!? I am just
scared of getting hurt again. See, there is this guy that has been waltzing
in and out of my life for about 8 years now. He was my first love and he
knows it. You always have a weak spot in your heart for your first love,
ya know? So, he plays on that weak spot every once in a while. But I feel
like I am stronger since our last encounter... that I can resist his temptation
now. I just want to be his friend right now. If I am supposed to be with
this new guy, then it will happen just the same as if I am supposed to
be with the first love, it will happen. Divine Order is present and active
in my life and in the universe! Ok, so anyways, I really want to pursue
something with the new boy. I really like him. He's sweet, and he makes
me laugh (that is ALWAYS a good sign!). I won't divulge all of the details,
but he sent me an email today that was one of the sweetest, most sincere
emails that I have recieved in a really really really long time.
Maybe I am starting to
get over this whole imitmacy issue... hmmmm.. maybe. Only time will tell.
I'll keep you updated on all the new developments in the intimacy issues/
romance department. Hopefully, I will get the balls (so-to-speak) and tell
this new guy how I really feel about him. We'll see! Until next time!